Mary's Choice
by BoyslikeBoys-n-GirlslikeGirls
Summary: Mary McDonald had asked to stay out of the war, all for a boy named Regulus Black. It was a decision her friends disagreed with but respected. So Mary tried her best to stand on the line; To be Neutral. But suddenly things aren't so simple anymore. A choice must be made. Either watch her friends die knowing she did nothing to stop it, or leave the one person she knows she loves...


Mary and Regulus were very careful. Mary never joined the order because she knew that one day it could be her and Regulus meeting on the battle field, and she knew she could not do that. So she worked in the ministry, and housed order members when they needed her. She was constantly helping Marlene, Doe, Lily, and the boys. But she loved Regulus and that was not going to change. So she sat awkwardly in the middle of the two sides leaning to the order but never fully standing with them.

They met up regularly, once a week if they could. They met in a muggle town outside of London. They would go for coffee or lunch and just talk. Both of them were always careful not to mention the war. Because as much as Mary straddled the line, they were on separate sides. It was never mentioned and sometimes Mary forgot. But it became painfully obvious one Friday night when Lily came over. Her eyes were red and puffy and she looked completely miserable. Fear flashed through Mary, her head only going to what could have happened to poor young Harry.

"Lily what's wrong?" She asked her voice panicked. Lily couldn't speak she only rushed forward and wrapped her arms around Mary.

"She's gone Mary." Lily sobbed. Mary then saw James standing in the doorway behind Lily, even his face, was red and tearstained. That more than anything else worried her, James had been their rock, and now even he was crying.

"She?" And for a split second Mary felt relief, it was not Harry. But then realization dawned on her, it must be horrible for James to cry. "Lily Who's gone?" Lily let go and stared at her.

"Doe." Lily said and Mary's world came crashing down around her. Doe couldn't be gone; she was just here, only a week ago. Her and Remus were still together, He was finally excepting that Doe was not going to give up on him, that no matter what she was his and only his. And now how could she be gone? "They say Voldemort came for her; Personally." Lily paused choking back a gasp before continuing. "Marlene found her, she died in Marlene's arms." Mary felt the tears streaking down her face.

"Where is-"

"She's locked herself in her room. Sirius has been giving her food, but she doesn't eat much. Won't talk to anyone, Sirius says at night he hears her sobbing so loud, at first he thought someone had broken in." James said.

"Do you think she will be alright?" Mary finally asked Lily after wrestling for control of her sobs. Lily stared at Mary for a moment before answering.

"No, I don't' think she will be."

That was the first time Mary canceled a date with Regulus. She tried to let things go back to normal but there was always this nagging thought in the back of her head now that he was the reason Doe was dead. She knew Doe wouldn't want her to think like that but sometimes she couldn't quite help herself. He worked for Voldemort and Voldemort killed Doe. But she tried and if Reg noticed anything he didn't say. So they carried on for about another month before everything came crashing down, because this time, Mary wasn't sure why, but there was no moving on.

It was Remus who was at her door the second time. And he had been crying, at first Mary thought it was still because of Doe, and her first instinct was to hold him. But it was fresh pain on his face, not a tortured sorrow. And she knew that someone she loved was dead. She wanted to ask who but the words would not come out of her mouth.

"It's…" There was a long pause before Remus could continue. "It's Marly." He whispered finally. He voice cracking on her name. Mary let out a loud sob and her knees buckled. Remus and her sat on the floor of her little kitchen crying for what felt like too long. Neither spoke for a long time and then Remus finally spoke. "No one will ever call me Remmey again." He said his voice hoarse from crying. Mary let a few more tears fall before she turned to him.

"I would offer to do it, but I don't think it would be the same." She said back. Remus shook his head.

"No, I doubt it would." They sat there for a while before Mary asked the question that had been on her mind.

"How is Sirius?" Remus looked at her, his eyes tired and lonely.

"He is…not good. We found them, her whole family was massacred. Sirius wouldn't let go of her. I probably should have helped James pry her from his arms but I couldn't bring myself to move. It felt so wrong, taking her from him." Remus paused. "James is with Sirius. We've decided not to leave him alone. I'm with him tomorrow."

"I'll take a turn." Mary volunteered and Remus nodded.

"I'll owl you tomorrow with what day." Mary nodded; busy she needed to be busy. "I should probably go. James asked me to go see how Lily is doing." Mary nodded. "Do you want to come?"

"No. I…" Mary paused. "No. I'm meeting someone later." Remus nodded. His tears had dried somewhat, and they both knew their strength was false, and only temporary but they held onto it with all they had.

And unlike when Doe had died, Mary did not cancel her date with Regulus. She got herself dressed and apparated to their usual spot, where Regulus was already waiting.

Neither knew that this would be their last meeting.

"Are you ok?" He asked immediately seeing how distressed she was. Mary felt all of her anger surge and suddenly it didn't matter what side of the war she was on, her friends were dead and it was his fault.

"No I'm not ok. Do you want to know what I learned only a few hours ago?" She asked the anger spilling over her voice. Regulus didn't speak only waited. "She's gone. Marlene's gone." Mary said rage in her voice Regulus took a step back. Mary didn't waist time to think about how Marlene's death might effect Regulus, didn't think about how close they had once been, how Marlene and Regulus had never really hated each other. She only felt anger.

"Marly? She's…dead?" Regulus stuttered out. It was the first time Mary had heard him sound this unsure, this sad.

"Not just her. Her whole Family. No McKinnon's left!" Mary roared. "And do you know who found them?" Mary only stopped to take a breath. "Your brother. He had to be the one to find her. James had to pry her from his arms. And you-" Mary stopped abruptly. And Regulus saw in her eyes what was coming. There would be no forgiveness for this.

"Mary, I'm sorry." He said slowly. Not only because he was sorry for her loss, or for his own, but because she blamed him. And he knew, it was his fault.

"You don't get to be sorry." She spat. "They are all dead because of YOU!" Mary started pacing. "I made excuse after excuse for you. Let you do what you pleased, pretended I didn't disagree with you and now two of my friends are dead and I didn't do a damn thing to help them. Because of YOU!" Mary could barely keep up with the pace at which her thoughts were racing. There was no stopping to think if these were things she should be saying or not, and really when had Mary ever stopped to think? Now was not a time for thinking it was a time for action. And she knew what she was going to do.

"Mary please, I never wanted things to be like this. I have a pl-" But Mary was done with excuses.

"I'm done." She said finality in her voice. "I am done with excuses, I am done straddling the fence of this fucking war, and I am done with you."

"Mary where are you going?" Regulus asked as Mary turned away.

"To tell Dumbledore I have changed my mind." Mary said apparating away before Regulus even had the chance to ask what she was talking about.

Mary found herself in front of the castle she had once known so well. It was just as big and beautiful but somehow it only made her feel worse, knowing that only 2 years ago, she, Marlene, Doe, and Lily had been here all alive and well. Before she could even contemplate how to get into the grounds or to Dumbledore, she could see Professor McGonagall standing behind the fence.

"Mss. McDonald." She said. Mary eyed the teacher nodding once to show she had heard her. "What can I do for you?"

"I am here to see Professor Dumbledore." She answered. In a steady voice.

"Yes, I thought you might be." McGonagall opened the gate and sealed it again after Mary had made her way inside. Then lead her to the golden eagle, she had walked by so many times. And just as she was stepping onto the staircase she head McGonagall say one last thing.

"I am so sorry for you loss." Mary closed her eyes; she was trying to be strong. But McGonagall would really be sorry, Sure Marlene was crazy but she had always though McGonagall had a soft spot for them.

"Ah, Mss. McDonald. To what do I owe the pleasure?" Dumbledore asked.

"Marlene's dead." She said without missing a beat. Dumbledore's smiled faded and he nodded.

"I know." He answered and Mary felt her face screw up, she closed her eyes not wanting to cry, in front of Dumbledore. "I am sorry. Mss. McKinnon was brave beyond belief, and I had hoped to one day be invited to her and Mr. Blacks wedding." Dumbledore's eyes sparkled for a moment and that almost made Mary smile, well that and imagining the look on Marlene's face as she huffed 'even Dumbledore?'

"Me too." Was all she said?

"That still does not explain why you are here though, Ms. McDonald."

"No, It doesn't I suppose. I came here to tell you that I would like to take Marly's place." Dumbledore raised an eyebrow at her. "You're down a member in the order and I want to help."

"You are aware of the dangers?" He asked, his tone was not condescending, more as if he was simply double checking something like the weather.

"I stood by while two of my best friends died. I won't stand by any more dangerous or not." Mary responded and Dumbledore nodded in approval.

"Good, good." He mumbled. "Well them Tell Mr. Lupin that I would like him to escort you to the next meeting. It should be on Thursday if I am not mistaken. I will tell the others that you have taken Ms. McKinnon's place."

"Thank you Professor." Mary said. But Dumbledore shook his head.

"I am no longer your professor, I think it would be fine for you to call me Albus now." He smiled his eyes twinkling again. Mary smiled, no matter how miserable she felt, she had to smile. Marlene would be proud of her.

Regulus was told of Mary's death about a month later. She had died on a mission for the order. And she was the final straw, the final name on a list of deaths he felt responsible for. And so his decision to go after the locket was an easy one, because he had nothing left to live for. His brother would never forgive him. He had killed the closest thing to a sister he had ever had. And the girl he loved died hating him for it. So no, going to that place and drinking that potion was not a hard decision. Telling Kreacher to destroy the locket when he was dead was not that dreadful. Dying alone on that island was not that lonely, because he hoped somewhere beyond this life, he could gain forgiveness from the people he loved. Because here there was nothing, but there, well at least there he could hope.


End file.
